My Facebook Rules

Hello All,

Disclaimer before you read this: - I may have had PMT whilst writing some of it.   I may have been thinking of a particular person/incident when I wrote this, but I still want you as my friend and I don't want you to get upset if you recognise yourself, so read this as a bit of silliness and entertainment.

I'm pretty sure I've done a few if not all of these – maybe you have too? So read on, and please don't unfriend me after.   Seriously, please as I only have about 60 odd Facebook friends. Pathetic.

My Facebook rules:

1) I'm not a “friend collector” on Facebook. If you are on my list, we are either friends right now and see each other regularly, or we used to know each other in person and I really liked you. Or we're related and regardless of that I'd choose to be real life friends with you anyway. If we knew each other in a past life and I thought you were a d*ck, then I will ignore your friend request. Simple as.

2) If you write a status update that is clearly about a personal problem and only give a little teaser like;

“I can't do this”

“It's all over”

“Grr why do I bother?” .....or the worst one

“At the hospital” and a sad face icon

... I will (almost) never respond: “What's up?” This is clearly a dig at someone or a cry for attention. Be outright about it, tell us the whole story or if you are peed off with someone say it to their face, don't post it on Facebook. Unless you are going to play the whole thing out for us, don't tease us with it. Lets face it, most of us love a bit of drama... especially if it isn't ours.

3) If you are pregnant, I will be so chuffed for you when you announce it on Facebook. I will want to know how you are getting on during the next few months. Daily, or minute by minute updates of what is happening might bore me a bit. Sorry. Harsh. But true. There is always an exception to this rule though.

4) If you are arguing with your husband/wife/partner – don't post about it on Facebook. It's just not cricket.

5) Photos- don't put photos of me up without letting me vet them first. Only if you are absolutely absolutely sure I will like the picture, then you can post it without the vetting process. Btw – I hate about 99.9% pictures of myself.   If you show me this courtesy, I will extend it back to you.   And DO NOT scan and post old and embarrassing pictures of me. Seriously.

Although, actually if it is a group picture, then I guess I'd have to say, these rules may not apply. It's not all about me after all.   Right?   No...okay.

6) Ditto for videos taken down the pub. You know who you are. Although eventually I may find the drunken rants funny as opposed to mortifying.

7) I may unfriend you if:

I start censoring what I say or post in case you might be offended/upset.

If I just realise that we weren’t really friends in real life and I don't want you knowing all my business.

If you say something really judgemental or racist and mean it – an example someone who started ranting about the riots last summer. Seriously, dude, shut up. This isn't Netmums coffee house you know...

8) Controversial: I may be completely on my own on this one and out of order but I find it a little strange when people talk extensively about the death of a loved one on Facebook. I'm not sure its the right place to be honest. Your relationship with them was special and should remain so. Facebook is for silly banter and photos. Sometimes it is the right way to honour them, this really depends on each situation.

9) If you only ever “Like” my statuses and never comment, it makes me feel that what I am saying is boring. Either that or you are a bit scared of actually putting a reply comment out there about it. Grow a pair and say something...

10) Bad spelling, bad grammar and shortening words (b4, cud, h8) makes me cringe so much. Particularly if you are not a teenager.

So, that is my list, it's not exhaustive. What are your rules?   Is one of them “Stop posting links to your blog Sarah, they bore me?” :-)

A friend once described Facebook as “a chance to show off about everything” - which it kind of is, but regardless I love it.

I love seeing pictures from holidays, nights out and people's kids growing up before my eyes.

Most of all I love that I can easily chat to my friends and family members that are spread all over the country, that is completely invaluable to me.

As I said, please don't unfriend me now.  Otherwise I will be like that kid on South Park...