Am I boring you? - The Pie Chart of Worry

It's true I am a bit of a worrier. I think most women are really and that part of us just hypes up a 100 times when we become mothers. That is my theory anyway. Since my daughter was born I have had bad dreams almost every night I think. Mostly where she is represented by a kitten or a tiny doll or something like that and I forget I've got her and she falls down the toilet or out of the window...

That was a bit heavy wasn't it? Sorry. Anyway, this is another post about worrying. Its not my appearance this time. The other worry on the top of my hit list is “Am I boring you?”

There have been lots of social situations in the last year that have made me ask that question. I sit there quietly with friends I've known for years, racking my brains to see if I can add something to the conversation that doesn't start with my daughter as the subject.

I'll get over it. I think I'm still feeling like a newbie at all this and sooner or later I will believe that I don't need a job to validate myself or to be interesting company.

I did confide in a friend about this once. She asked “Well, did you talk about work alot before?” Honestly I don't think I did. I have never really thought that talking about the ins and outs of your work place would be of interest to anyone but you and perhaps your work colleagues, so I've never really done it.

The trouble with this mind set is that my life has altered totally by giving up work, you of course have your original set of friends who are there for your sanity and to remind you who you are (literally and metaphorically), but then you need mummy friends too. You need them to do things with, so that you can see and speak to adults during the day. Which means you have to go to play groups and make an effort to chat.

I mean, seriously, who might want to be friends with a 35 year old woman who wanders around muttering “its Wednesday, right? I'm sure it was Tuesday yesterday...” then counts off the days on her fingers to check. Or – the fool proof way, check Sky Planner for what programmes are on that day. “Sopranos”. Definitely Wednesday!

Is it terrible that now I've started going to these play groups, that when I meet the other (usually) women at these things, I'm secretly pleased when they are a bit boring and can only really start a conversation by saying “so, how old is yours then?” Ahhhhhh, big exhale. Its not just me.

For funzie's I created a pie chart of my worry list. What would your pie chart look like?

I'm a bit worried – is this blog boring?

Blue: My appearance/grey hairs
Red: Is my child happy/safe/normal
Yellow: Money
Green: Massive global disasters
Burgundy: Am I a bore?

Are you "that" friend?

Hello All,

Following a recent night out with some girl-friends it dawned on me that I was “that” friend. You know the one.... Unable to handle her drink as well as everyone else. Unable to identify the round at which you have a coca cola and not another beer. The one that wants to go on to the next bar/club, as opposed to go home, despite it being really late. The one who, once inebriated, forgets about her actual life and imagines she is living in a movie where she is young, slim, beautiful and, of course, the worlds greatest dancer. Secretly she knows she has got the moves – she's Baby Housemann from Dirty Dancing, she's SJP's character in Girls Just Want to Have Fun (can't remember what she was called..). Everyone in the room is sitting there thinking, wow, I've never seen choreography like it, she's amazing....er, ahem.... Have I said too much?

Anyway, in some people's eyes “that” friend is, to be frank a bit of a pain and a liability I expect. I wouldn't know of course – because, it's me.

So, the question is, should I try and change from being “that” friend? I'm not sure I could even if I wanted to, because its basically down to the fact that as much as I love it, my body is intolerant to alcohol. It floods my system quickly and poisons me for days after, my brain then blocks this out, just in time for the following weekend/outing with the girls. So, I'm doomed anyway.

I'm relatively lucky that most of my friends don't seem to mind me playing this role, well, they've never moaned about it to my face anyway. I'm also lucky in the fact that my other half is, I suspect “that” friend too. He's completely blasé about being a nightmare on a night out, absolutely no shame and I find that really liberating. Plus we've had some great nights in and out together. Having a few beers, doing the leg dance* and turning any board game or xbox game you can think of, into a drinking game, until the silly hours of the morning.

The up-side of being “that” friend for me is that I'm always willing to squeeze all the possible good time out of a night out, have a laugh, get up on the dance floor and stop for a burger on the way home. Generally speaking I'm not unpleasant when drunk, I laugh too much, I dance like a complete spack and then go home and pass out. I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I've argued after a night out. But I did once snog a cab driver (many many many years ago) – which is pretty unforgivable...

I still can't say with any conviction that I'd rather be the person who has a coke on the 6^th round, remembers the whole night with clarity and wakes up feeling absolutely fine the next day. For me that would be a crap night out. Who's with me brothers and sisters???!!!!

(*copyright Daz)

Keeping up appearances..

Hello All,

So, we're over the first few weeks of January, I'm still a bit low on energy and enthusiasm, but feeling a bit better than I did.

Something that I think about a fair bit on and off and I'll bet you do too, is what I look like when I leave the house these days.  I've had 30 odd years of stories bombarding me about the fact that when you become a mother your appearance goes right down the list of importance and you end up looking like some sort of baby-food covered bag lady; your figure has gone to hell, you have terrible hair, no make up, dark circles and bags under your eyes. On top of that your fashion sense takes a dive and you wear comfy, practical clothes and shoes instead of pretty, sexy or smart ones.

I have been lucky enough to be part of a new mums group during the first year of my daughter's life. So, taking those ladies into account, I'd say that this is completely untrue. We all re-gained our figures, some did better than that (Nuff respect Miss Pett) and when we meet once a week we all look washed, groomed and distinctly un-bag ladyish. In fact, of everyone, I'm probably the scruffiest. I have always been one that goes for comfort over fashion I'm afraid.

How about my more seasoned mum friends? Nope. They always look good too, everyone has their own interpretation of style; smart jeans and flattering cardi's, sporty, the Ugg boot crowd or Gok-tastic hourglass dresses and waist cinching belts. So where has this bloody label come from?

Why do I critically look at myself in the mirror with the three nano seconds I have before leaving the house and think, "people will see I'm a mum and judge me for letting myself go..." or worse, they won't judge you at all and you'll just be written off as a woman completely. "She doesn't need to dress up, she's a mum now.."

And what about our partners? The daddy's? I wonder what they really think. They used to have a carefree partner who had time (and money) to spend on her appearance, and now, not so much! It's a good day when you remember to check your top for stains, before you leave the house....

So, what's the answer? I have thought about this a bit. It's having an eye for (or shopping buddy with an eye for) a few good wardrobe items, tops and trousers that will look smart. Its convenient beauty products that work well and don't cost the earth and it's most definitely, having a baby that naps once a day for about an hour, allowing you to spend a bit of time on yourself... And of course if you are at work all day, then you'll have to make sure you do a bit of pampering in the evenings once the kids are in bed. Just Sky Plus that telly programme and watch it later....

My top three time savers/beauty life savers:

- Sanctuary Thermal Detox Mask - five minutes on in the bath or shower = lovely skin.

- Yves Saint Laurent - Touche Eclat – miracle under eye stuff

- A good pair of hair straighteners, will turn unruly crap hair into something presentable.

If you've got any good ones, please let me know in the comment box!

Thanks for reading my drivel and look out for the new entry soon.

Sarah

New Year Blues

Hello all,
Happy new year friends.  I hope you had a great time whatever you got up to.

I personally have never been that big on going out on n.y.e, all the cab hassle and paying to get in to a pub that you go to all the time for free - I find it's usually a bit of a let down. 

Then, horrors, the week following New Year, does tend to be, at least for me and some of the folks I've been talking to, a bit of a downer in general.  Lots of build up to Christmas, lovely presents and family gatherings, parties and going out with mates. Then, bam! a big gaping hole and zero cash - because you got paid on 20th December or whatever and now you are beyond skint till...well....ages.  It leaves people feeling a bit deflated I think. 

It's freezing cold and dark outside, there is no social stuff happening (unless you work for a cheap skate company who do the xmas party in January to save money).  You wonder; what will I do this year, what shall I aim for?  Where am I going in life....?

So, how do we abate the January blues, I hear you ask? 
A couple of possible answers I have thought of:
-If you are a girl (or a man with no shame) - apply fake tan, makes you feel and look thinner and better looking. I recommend Loreal Bronzer. No muss, no fuss.
-Make some holiday plans or at the very least a weekend away to look forward to. I have my beloved VW Beetle festival, Bug Jam in July - horray! Thanks to a benevolent friend buying my ticket as half birthday/half chrimbo present.
-Make some resolutions, maybe go on a detox or a diet, eating all that processed and crap food won't be helping your moods.
-Lastly, (deep breath..) have some s.e.x. Those who know me, know I don't talk about all that stuff too much, however I honestly believe it cheers you up, keeps you de-stressed and living in the moment.  So, if you can safely and healthily do that, then I highly recommend it to pass the cold January nights.

Having said all this if you are single/having a dry spell or if your partner is crap in bed and all that is best avoided, then chocolate and wine it is...(forget the detox).

In terms of my other promises in previous entries, I haven't tried anything new yet (Zumba DVD gathering dust on the shelf) and I haven't discovered a cure for under eye dark circles and bags.  Although I can tell you one thing - Loreal Youth Code under eye stuff - does not work.  I got it for Christmas and so far I don't look young and fresh faced. Drat!!!

Trying new things..

Hello All - my stats tell me that at least 2 or 3 people are reading this, so I'm going to take a leap and start my posts "Hello All".  

First point of business, my partner read the last post about children's programmes and said: "You should use emoticons to show you are joking about this.."  He may be right, but I really thought that you'd all be smart enough to know when I'm being daft.  I have faith that you are.

Second point of business, I had a brain wave about a theme for my blog, as well as random stuff.  I thought I would start trying at least one new thing a week, and then I would tell you about it - perhaps it would help you decide if you wanted to try it too.  So, I have been mentally (in my head, as opposed to acting mental) compiling a list of things to try. So far I have:
Zumba
Disarrono
A book on NLP (an idea nicked from a fellow blogger)

If you have an idea on something to try, then by all means, let me know.  Except if one of them is "piss off" I suppose. I've just discovered - this blog website doesn't seem to have emoticons. If it did, I'd put a smiley next to this sentence.

Third point of business, one other thing I think I will document in this blog is that I will make it my mission to solve my top beauty related issue. Bags and dark circles under the eye - there is literally nothing decent on the market for this. I'm going to research and try out all the home remedies I can. I can't afford surgery or fancy salon treatments at the moment, like most normal women, so I will be your guide through the alternatives. 

Lastly, something funny to tell you.  I have been trying to figure out Twitter for a while now. It is quite good if you're following someone interesting. I've got, for example, Jimmy Carr (tells jokes), Lord Sugar (quite political) and Gary Barlow (dull, but I still would..).  I'm also following Seth MacFarlane.  He writes and performs in Family Guy and American Dad. He's a bit obscure and very dry, quite unusual for an American.  Thusly, I had to chuckle when he recently tweeted "I have a feeling that Rick Astley did indeed Give Me Up".  Classic.

Children's programme angst

Since my daughter was born nearly 11 months ago now, I have become an avid watcher of "Milkshake" which for those of you that don't know, is a kids programme thing on Channel 5 from about 6-9 each morning. Generally I enjoy it and so does daughter, however, at times, I do get a bit riled up with some of the programmes and the sorts of messages our confused young offspring might be getting from them. 

I'll give you an example, "Little Princess" is about a version of the Royal family.  Within the castle lives, the King and Queen (who both have Yorkshire accents), a General of some kind, who rides around on a wooden horse which he thinks is real, an Admiral who is just barking mad and the Prime Minister who is often to be found playing with the "Little Princess", perhaps riding a comically tiny bicycle.  The little girl herself is always, always, wearing a nightie and no shoes.  All day. Every day. It is utterly bizarre. Why does she never get dressed? Why isn't the Prime Minister running the country? Why is the little girl exposed to 3 older men (Prime Minister, Admiral and General) who are clearly barking mad? 

The other programme that has caught my attention is Peppa Pig. Every character in the programme has a first name that starts with the same letter as what they are: i.e. Peppa Pig, Danny Dog, Susie Sheep.  All except George Pig (Peppa's little brother). Odd.  Also, why don't the Mums and Dads in any of these programmes have first names? Even when speaking to other adults, they call each other Mummy Pig or whatever. Argh!!!

Last one - promise. Bananas in Pyjamas. Two, presumably male, Banana's, sleeping in separate beds, but in the same room. When in bed, they wear pyjamas.  Then when they go outside they still wear pyjamas, but maybe with a coat and hat. Seriously, think about it, what sort of message is this sending to kids??? And don't get me started on Bert and Ernie.

I said - don't!

And I'm asking. Why?

....as Enigma once sang.  Why am I blogging at all?  Let's be upfront about this, I still only just about understand blogging.  I think it's a bit of an online journal, where you'd write about amusing past anecdotes or things that happened to you that day, or eureka moments maybe.  Sharing them with others in the hope that they'd think, "Oh yeah! I know, that happens to me too." 

For the last 10 months I have been a stay at home mum, something I never thought I'd be.  I know am 100%  lucky to be able to do it and I love it, but I'm still a bit torn about how it can make you feel some days.  At times I feel that I haven't achieved anything of note at all. I feel I haven't contributed to the world or whatever and I've been wondering whether a creative outlet is the answer?  I have loved writing since my early teens, when I frantically scribbled down lustful stories about fictional couples - mostly plagiarised from movie characters I might add - "Ace" from Stand By Me, featured heavily as I was a massive Keifer Sutherland fan back then...  However, I've never really done much with my writing, so I'm hoping that by writing regularly on my blog, tapping into this new world, that I will, once and for all, do something and send it to a publisher or an agent.  I have two stories on the go, one for children and one for the Chick Lit market. So, I've no excuses now.  It's out there. You can poke me with a stick if I fail now.

Okay.

Thanks.

Roger that, over and out.